So far, in my brief blogging career, I have only had one guest post. But when I met my new friend Kathleen, on Twitter, I knew we would be a match made in heaven. She and I both care deeply about family mealtimes and helping families avoid the power struggles that frequently plague the dinner table. Please enjoy this post – I know I did

Finding the Balance When You Care About What Your Kids Are Eating

One area which can raise some thorny debate is limiting your child’s access to sweets. Parents range in their approach from completely forbidding foods with sugar to allowing unregulated, frequent access. Personally, I don’t advocate either of these extreme approaches, but finding the middle ground is not always easy. In all areas of parenting we need to find a balance between providing structure and limits while also providing warmth and support. With regard to feeding, as parents we are responsible for being the “nutritional gatekeepers” for our children and for providing them with healthy, nutritious foods. Sugar doesn’t offer high nutritional value, but I certainly don’t see it as “evil,” and it is present in our culture in significant ways – plus it tastes good!

I recently read a very interesting article* which complements a wider body of research on the effects of restriction of sweets on children’s later consumption of sweets. It has been repeatedly found that when children are restricted from eating certain foods, they will later eat more of those forbidden foods when they have access. When your children are very young, you as their parents have a very high degree of control of their access to certain foods. But as they get older, their world becomes bigger, their environment becomes more difficult to control, and they will have access to foods not necessarily supplied by or approved by you. So if you can help your children when they are young to learn how to internally set their own limits, you will be helping them later when you are not always there to be an “external regulator.”

What was interesting about this particular study was that the researchers found a similar effect for candies as for fruit. That is, when fruit was initially forbidden, children later ate more of it when it was available to them. I don’t promote “reverse psychology” techniques, but I think this study shows how powerful our limits can be – and not always in the direction or manner that we intend.

I believe that finding the balance with sweets requires moderation – as it does with so many things related to food! I don’t make sugar completely off-limits for my children, but I also try to be mindful of how much and how often they have it. I also try to be thoughtful about how I may use it as a reward. Not to say that I haven’t sometimes – there were days when my oldest was a toddler that I would not have gotten her into her stroller without one of us getting hurt if I didn’t have fruit snacks! But food and/or sweets are not the only rewards or reinforcements that we’ve used in our family. Hugs, verbal praise, and time spent together have also worked well.

For more information on this topic and information on how sweets fit in with the division of responsibility, also read Ellyn Satter’s article “Using ‘Forbidden’ Food.” And please feel free, to e-mail me with your thoughts and comments. This can be a hot topic, and I’d love to know what you are thinking.

*Jansen E, Mulkens S, Emond Y, Jansen A. From the Garden of Eden to the land of plenty. Restriction of fruit and sweets intake leads to increased fruit and sweets consumption in children. Appetite. 2008 Nov;51(3):570-5.

Kathleen Cuneo, Ph.D. is the founder and director of Dinner Together, LLC, (www.dinnertogether.com) which provides in-home (in New York) and phone consultations to families on meal-related issues as well as expertise to parents about how to raise successful eaters. Sign up for a free newsletter at www.dinnertogether.com and follow www.dinnertogether.blogspot.com for recipes, cooking tips, and ideas for making mealtimes positive.