Thursday, May 14th, 2009...6:00 am
Table Talk – When “how was your day?” doesn’t cut it
Mealtime can be a challenge. Not only are some parents anxious about the volume that their kids are eating (or not!), but conversation can get downright negative. Parents sometimes complain about an irresponsible co-worker or bad management, and kids tell vivid stories of classmates who cheated at recess or teachers who play favorites. How about making a concerted effort to change the direction of the table talk at mealtime in your house.
First, it helps when families don’t pressure their kids about eating, especially during mealtime. Lay off the comments about “how big and strong your sister will be because she ate her broccoli.” Kids are bright – they know you are concerned. But if you stress them out, they may have an adrenaline response which will suppress their appetite.
Second, try a few interesting conversation starters that show how interested you are in your family. Try avoiding questions that can be answered in one word. We have all experienced this stimulating conversation: “How was your day?” “Fine.” (Now that was productive!) We asked a few of our friends if we could share how they talk with their families at the table:
- Ed’s family does “sun” and “cloud”. They take turns sharing what they liked about their day and what disappointed them.
- Anka loves to use an interactive deck of cards called Table Topics (Family Edition) with her family.
- Roy asks his kids to name 3 interesting things happened at school that day or 3 new things they learned.
- Curtis asks his family many of these same questions, but concludes by asking what they are looking forward to tomorrow.
Here are a few others you might want to try:
- What was the nicest thing you did for someone today?
- If you were the principal of your school, what would your rules be?
- What are the qualities that you should look for in a good friend?
- If we could invite a famous person to our house for dinner, who would it be (and why) and what should we make?
- Introduce a “word of the day” or “color of the day” and talk about what it means, how it looks, and take turns using it in context
What works well for your family?
6 Comments
May 14th, 2009 at 8:50 am
This is such a beautiful post; and one which touches my heart. Getting the right emotional vibe when eating is SO important, but often overlooked (look at the people who eat a drive-thru on their way home from work)
For us, stopping for a moment to delay that ‘instant gratification’ reflex and giving thanks before our meal helps to dispel negativity and put us in a reverent mood.
I have to say, I love silent, reverent eating too. That mostly happens when we are very hungry, but it can be a special way to actually connect with the food rather than the people around the table. It’s a very interesting thing to do – to eat in silence!
Lovely post – thanks!
May 14th, 2009 at 4:11 pm
I like asking my family specifics like “How’s (insert friend’s name here)?” and “What’s new in your backpack tonight?” They’re open-ended enough to spark conversation, yet safe enough to avoid major emotional trauma. Now that my “kids” are 17 and 22, I don’t have to talk at all at the table. I just listen!
May 14th, 2009 at 6:28 pm
These are great questions. I love to see what can of worms we can pry open at the table! Never a dull moment!
May 15th, 2009 at 7:56 am
We quickly learned that “how was your day” got the same response every day – “good”. So now we probe a little, in a non-nagging way. We’ll ask what was the best thing that happened, what challenges they had and how they handled it, what good choices they made (and sometimes they’ll offer up the bad choices made too!). It’s the best time to talk about today and have those learning moments so we try to take advantage of that without pushing them.
Great article, Michelle! I’m sure most of us need some help when it comes to table talk.
May 15th, 2009 at 10:00 am
Great post! I was just thinking about this tonight at the dinner table when we were eating in silence after a long, tiring day. Thanks for some conversation starters!
September 24th, 2009 at 9:32 pm
Great post! Thanks for “tweeting” me about it. – I retweeted your response because I think good mealtime conversation is so important as it really enhances the dining experience and ultimately makes us all better eaters. The piece I am working on for my blog has a different slant but the same message…here are some ways to get the conversation flowing.
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